I’d wish I could say that I didn’t loose myself... . . That I was the strong independent woman I aspire to be . . . That I stood up for myself, my mental and physical health . . . That I fulfilled what I swore to myself, to never come under the control of another, ever again . . . That I rose above the need to belong, to be one with the group, to be liked . . . To buy, eat, do or not do what I want because I want it... . . But I didn’t . . So, I’m gonna say it straight out to myself right now: I’m sorry To myself, and if you need this - to you too: You’re not ugly, you are your own kind of beautiful You are not stupid, you’re just not as quick to answer You are worthy, even though you are excluded You are independent, even though you fell for the need to be approved You have the right to exist, even though you feel invisible You are a wonder woman, even though you are not seen as one #mentalhealthsupport#mentalhealthmatters#bekindtoyourself#mentalhealth#beyou#loveyourself#appoligizetoyourself#acceptyourself#selflove#selfcare#psychology#socialanxiety#depression#anxiety#realrecovery#recovery
This year, I chose to stay home over the holidays. I didn’t choose to stay home because I don’t love my family or because I didn’t want to see them. I chose to stay home for the sake of honoring my emotions. As someone who struggles with mental health issues, being around multiple people at once can have a tremendous effect on me & not a positive one. My family is aware of my conditions, but they don’t always know how to respond to my emotions, let alone understand why I feel the way I do. So before large gatherings, I tend to become anxious, panicky & overwhelmed. I’d already been feeling an increase in my anxiety before the party even began & that was the only indicator I needed to make my decision. Here are 3 key things to help curb the guilt as a result of choosing to stay home. 1️⃣I don’t owe anybody anything. I have always been a people-pleaser. Now, I know there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do something that will make another person happy. But I’ve learned it’s important to draw a line when we begin to sacrifice our own peace & comfort for the sake of someone else’s happiness. If going to a family function or a party with friends is going to make you an anxious mess, it’s best to practice honoring & acknowledging your body & mental health by making the decision that will be best for you, which might be to just stay home. By making the best choice for you, not someone else, you are cultivating self-compassion & being loving & kind to yourself. Your body & your mental health will thank you. 2️⃣I can’t take the reactions of others personally. The reality of life is, no matter what we do or what we say, we cannot make anyone feel or react a certain way. How other people choose to react to our personal decisions is solely on them—not on us. We can only control how we feel & what we say and do. The rest is completely out of our control. 3️⃣I need to trust my gut. I had to learn it was all right to put myself
I’ve been having some “quiet time” on insta etc while I sort some life admin out 😅 Things are a bit upside down/back to front right now but I’m slowly ironing out the creases. Life is a Rollercoaster as the poet Ronan Keating once said. Between changing jobs, future careers, deciding travel plans and saving money, there has been a lot of stress and uncertainty. It’s a perfect mix for anxiety attacks but so far, I’ve managed to control it. I know it’s really important for me to keep my focus on protecting my mental health so I’m trying to stick to my routines and carry on my mindfulness practices (because I really don’t want a repeat of the anxious/depressive episodes I had a few months back!) Things I’m keeping in the front of my mind are: 👍🏼 New Zealand is beautiful (even when it’s cold). 👍🏼 The past 9 months have been jam-packed with amazing things. 👍🏼 I have so much to look forward to. 👍🏼 You’re only young once so you gotta enjoy it while your knees can handle it! So, I’ve booked myself in for a 5km Park Run on Saturday morning, put off making big life choices right now, worked through my finances and made a little ‘to-do’ list ✅ - my fave. Anyway, be mindful, have fun and make today a good one x p.s (this pic is from a few months ago in Laos)
👋🏻 hi! It’s been a while since I’ve done an about me and we’ve got some new faces here so I wanted to say welcome 💖💖 here are some fun facts about me - share yours below! • 🌧 I’m Caity! Caity Koz. Koz is short for a long polish mess of a name - but I love it && love the nickname && love my whole wizard of koz wordplay so 🙌🏻 🌧 i mostly love the rain but hate umbrellas and rain gear 🤷🏻♀️ umbrellas always break and rain gear always gets so hot and humid-y. Sometimes this results in me getting soaked... see above 🤣 🌧 i live in NYC and love it all... but my Big Dream is living on lots + lots of land with birds in the morning and crickets at night. 🌧 i committed to myself in a lot of ways last year - allowing my wants to be valid and important, making my mental and physical health a priority, and learning that there’s rarely one thing that’s right for everyone. life hasn’t been the same since 🤩 🌧 i deal with social anxiety, generalized anxiety, ADHD, eczema, GERD, and IBS with (literally) a spasming intestine. And they all so wonderfully 🙄 intertwine and inter-affect each other. It’s always a journey, but it’s also always mine ✨ 🌧 I grew up on Long Island && instantly gravitate to anyone who gets that particular dialect of sarcasm 💁🏻♀️😇 🌧 I double majored in math and philosophy and my senior thesis was “Denying Moral Luck and Doubting Intuitions as Reliable Moral Indicators” 🤷🏻♀️🤓 🌧 i have a massive love of making and organizing playlists. My Spotify account is... overly saturated 🤣 but I’m unreasonable proud of it 🏅 • What’s something fun about you?! Do we have anything in common??
The life after the party. Ever wondered what being sober in Ibiza would look like? 🤔 6 years ago I landed on this magical island not really knowing why. I felt pretty lost actually but the pull was so strong. I met Jimmy (guy with the hat) both working at Space Ibiza. Wow how much has changed since then. I came to this island chasing the party and the dream of filming world famous DJs. Within my first year I already had achieved this but my ego couldn’t let go and just wanted more. Can you believe I’ve interviewed over 200 DJs? 6 years ago I would of never imagined this would be possible. This lifestyle became toxic though. Late nights filled with partying were not complementing my day to day life. 9 years ago I became very unwell and had to walk away from my party days but it was a big kick to my ego and I’ve gone in and out many times since then. I changed so many habits in my diet etc but the partying was the hardest to say goodbye to 👎 I am nearly at two years now where I have fully let go. The hardest part was feeling like I couldn’t interact with people without a drink in my hand. I was petrified of connecting sober. My mind would race and I’d find myself hyperventilating just at the thought of it. I went through extreme social anxiety where I couldn’t even leave the house some days. I wondered if I’d ever find people that enjoyed life to the fullest without alcohol. People that loved to eat healthy food and laugh until our bellies hurt. Friendships based on love not vodka. I honestly never thought I’d find this (especially in Ibiza) but it was Ibiza that saved me. I have the most beautiful tribe and I’m forever grateful. 🙏 I manifested all of this. I wanted it so bad and it happened. I sit here now thinking of my current desires. My vision is so big and scares me so much. It seems so impossible but I know I can do anything. I’ve already created so much in this life and I am never going to stop chasing my dreams. Sky is the