For lunch yesterday I had some of this as dessert, it’s basically just eggwhite with sugar, but I didn’t like it so I had some cake instead😂💪 - I had some very confusing weight jumps the last days and also a very hard time eating enough as I felt disgusting, but most of the time I managed to still eat🥰 I don’t want to go back to restricted eating! I want to be free of food thoughts! So I‘ll make sure I eat enough again the next days even if I feel very guilty etc. - I find it very helpful to be away from home and eating is a lot easier then somehow. My parents are so supportive, but it‘s just sometimes easier without them🤷♀️ Another thing that is better when I‘m not home is of course weighing myself, I felt so free on scouts camp because I just didn’t know my weight at all. - Hence it’s really exciting right now because I‘m on my way to the airport, I‘m be in England for the next one and a half weeks! Part of it alone in a summer college to improve my English skills! Which also means I‘ll be flying alone, have to find the gate, etc., but I can do this💪 Btw now I‘m already on the gate just waiting for departure😂 I really hope the food won’t be too gross there tho because my siblings told me it was... Yeay... - Hope you all have an amazing day💞 #magersuchtrecovery#anorexiafighter#anorexiawarrior#edfighter#recovery#snack#edrecovery#eatittobeatit#prorecovery#anorexiarecovery#selfcare#beatingana#beatinged#recoveryispossible#mentalhealth#food#weightgain#eatingdisorderrecovery#eatingdisorder#recovering
For breakfast today was some cornflakes, strawberries and a piece of bread. Since getting back to work, I should be eating more since my consumtion has increased. I find it really hard at the moment to choose the more calorie-dense food over low-calorie foods. My mom says all the time that I should add hot chocolate, nutella, candies, cakes etc. to my diet but I just can’t. It makes me sooo anxious to even think about eating nutella on toast or drinking hot chocolate. I know that I propably should add those things into my diet so that I would still keep gaining weight even when I’m working, but I just simply can’t. The ED thoughts are just too loud for me to resist at the moment. I’m really scared that I haven’t gained any weight since I’ve started working again which would mean I would have to stop working again which I really don’t want to do!
So, today i went shopping with my mom. I tried some clothes n bought this jeans n the dress of the last two pics. Back home I notice that I had this message since yesterday of this guy I'm start meeting so I dont want he thought that I dont wanna talk with him, so I was going to post a insta story saying something like "oh I don't feel with a high mood today" (which is true) n then I saw this pics with the dress n the first thing i thought was "i look so fat" n fuck... I felt so... bad, sad, idk. Since April I didn't thing things like that, like , of course I had bad day n stuff, but I just tried my best to be positive n kind with my self, like, stop saying me "I'm so stupid, I'm so ugly, I'm so FAT" n start saying me "I'm not perfect n that's fine , today I look tired but still being cute, I'm just inflamed or something" n feels really bad to calling me fat again. . . . #recovery#recoveryaccount#recovering#recoveryjourney#recoverycommunity#recoveryispossible#recoveryisreal#positivevibes#positivity#staystrong#anxiety#edrecovery