When the tears start to fall, i see thats my call to heal. I open all my eyes and see how unhealthy it is to hide Your tears behind a smile, The pain behind a veil Your wounds behind a trail of distractions in its many forms. . . I dont want a crippled heart and fearful mind anymore. Im ready to journey back to the days i tried so hard to forget, The days i first met trauma as a child, This trauma that made such a deep impression thats taken me into adulthood having to learn so many lessons. . . From childhood to twenty five, these seeds of trauma never hide, dont be fooled they reside deep in your subconscious. Luckily for me self reflection is my thing, so i see how my past sneaks its way in and finds a way to protect me from what may happen again. . . I've sat and watched opportunities greet me at my feet, but fear blinded me, anxiety & ptsd reminded me im weak. . . But im ready to sit and face my pain, im no longer ashamed to validate my feelings. So no more repressing because im tired of holding myself back in life. I want to elevate through struggle and strife. No more turning my trauma into comedy, no more acting like this shit doesnt bother me. . . No more wanting to disappear, i deserve to be here,I've got big dreams and i need to start seeing myself as a true queen. Im learning that i do have a voice that deserves to heard, even if im not apart of the herd, even if i go against the grain, my sanity i must maintain. Im calm and composed on the surface, but inner peace and confidence needs to reign within and then i truly win. . . . Its amazing how all the freedom in the world becomes meaningless if your mind is telling you otherwise. At this point i face myself and i'll conquer my mind no doubt, The transformation has to start from the inside out. . .
Intimacy with your darkness is a big fucking deal. Your heart, love has room for it all. Listen for a moment. That darkness is an opportunity to open and receive everything life has to offer. You can meditate, green smoothie, sacred tabaco, out train, build an empire all you like - but if you don’t face your darkness front on, youre screwed. Trying to rise above your shit might give you a moments rest from it’s intensity but it’s never going to leave you unless you figure out where the shits coming from in the first place. If there is a bag of shit in a room, you can wrap it in plastic and move it to the corner of the room but eventually the smell will reach your nostrils again and by that time it will be 100 times more intense. If you only ever rise above, then you’re going to use an insane amount of energy just trying to catch your breath. And no one likes shitty breath. Be willing to walk over to the shit, open up the bag and look at it with tender loving curiosity. When transcendence overthrows intimacy we’re going to be bypassing what must be loved. If you have a niggle, ongoing angst, constant jitter, repeating trigger it’s there for you to face front on, not shut down. Shut down = suffocating. Risking above = relief for a moment but not getting to the root. Emotion is far more verb than noun, being not some entity or thing we can get out of our system but a vital process always in some degree of flux. They need to be felt fully, followed to the aliveness of its existence in your body and addressed there. Turning toward that pain is turning towards what we’ve rejected in ourselves, all that we have ostracized, disowned, neglected, bypassed, shunned, excommunicated, or otherwise deemed as unworthy in ourselves. But that’s the heart work of life. The hard core shit. An opening when we want to transcend before we’re intimate with it. I know it feels like sometimes you’ll implode, love. Damn, I want to vomit, freeze and shut down
So many doors - how do you choose which one to use ? 🤔 How do you decide ? Are you in control of your emotions ? 🦋 Can you select whichever door will give you the best outcome ? Or do you feel as if you are being pushed through any old door without being able to think of any outcomes ?? 🙄 Don't be fooled by your animal survival instincts 🐒 Your emotions & reactions are YOUR choice... nobody upsets you - YOU upset yourself, nobody makes you mad - YOU make yourself mad - nothing frustrates you - YOU frustrate yourself. The outer world is not responsible for your feelings - YOU are !! YOU are more than a bunch of mindless reactions - get a grip - take back control. Your feelings, your life so CHOOSE what you will do next !! #jollivival🦋 #freedom#emotions#emotionalcontrol#emotionalintelligence#evolve#livelife#choices#choice#reactions#growthmindset#growup#control
"Everyone seeks for love as you do, but knows it not unless he joins with you in seeking it. If you undertake the search together, you bring with you a light so powerful that what you see is given meaning ." -Foundation for Inner Peace, A Course in Miracles Photo credit: Rob Sims #personaldevelopment#courseinmiracles#emotionalintelligence