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Significant made up nonsense. Also available in person. Blogs @ ikneadthetruth Writes/performs/does. Comedy?

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We got us a good old Mexican stand off
Save yourselves
Gingerbread assassin
Dead and dying flowers. Absolute steal at just 40p. Show your loved ones what you think of them by giving them a bunch of these beauties.
Oh look it's the last chemtrails of the summer! Love this time of year.
Finally I've found the solution to my protein deficiency
For my birthday I fished the dog's ball out of a bramble bush
Bye bye for now Edinburgh!
One very ordinary shopping list found in little Tesco
Contrary to popular belief...everyone can get off their back now alright!
Who has time to stop and read this t-shirt!? If you have something naff to say put it in a frame and hang it in your kitchen!
Glad we're finally getting the spin off this franchise has been hinting at all these years. The dark origin story of Percy the pig
NEW FROM THE ABANDONED SHOPPING TROLLEYS IN SUPERMARKETS SERIES #1: Trolley with pork pies, 4 pack of tuna and naan. Found in Haverfordwest Morrisons
Seems this shop has taken extreme security measures by employing a cursed mannequin boy to ward off potential thieves. Sufficiently creeped out. . #weirddollboy #facelessfreakshow #neverrobbingthisplaceagain
BREAKING: Man buys beer based solely on reference to popular cartoon. . #duffbeer #thesimpsons #yesiamthatsad #apparentlyitwasreleasedforthesuperbowlbutionlyjustfoundthatout
BREAKING NEWS: football coming home in form of crude gingerbread man with ill-fitting replica England jersey. . Excitement has been building this week ahead of football returning home after a notable absence of 52 years lost in the wilds of southern Europe and South America and speculation was rife as to what half a century would have done to football's appearance. . But thanks to a highly skilled team of forensic bakers at a Morrisons supermarket, they were able to piece together an interpretation of what football in the 21st century may now look like. . David Davis, Professor of forensic science at the National Football Institute and head baker at the Morrisons supermarket said they were "thrilled" with the results. . The team was able to reconstruct the image of football as it comes home by analysing 60 years of data amassed from numerous England World Cup songs, a pair of gloves worn by Gordon Banks and the haircut sported by David Beckham in 1998. . Professor David Davis confirmed the team even used a vial of Paul Gasgoine's tears taken from the 1990 semi-final loss to Germany. . "That was not easy to come by!" said the professor. . The finished product, which includes the exact wry expression Eric Dier pulled as he walked up to take the winning spotkick v Colombia, and a tight generic replica England football strip which references designs throughout the period of hurt (1966-2018), has brought a tear to the eye of every patriot who has set their eyes upon it. . Football is also depicted bringing home a souvenir football glued to its foot, both literally and symbolically, which is believed to represent the close control ball skills of Jesse Lingard. . Reports say football could be coming home any time between now and the 15th July and will be displayed in a temporary exhibition in the British Museum before setting out on a national homecoming tour. . #football #itscominghome #worldcup #england #gingerbreadman #⚽
MAN DOWN! #pepe #worldcup